WOW! What a ride this has been! From the moment I got my pink slip at work until now, life has been a very twisty turny roller coaster! Four and a half months later, I’d like to say I’m getting off but I know it’s not true! What I DO know, though, is that God has called me back to my school counseling position and I return tomorrow.
I’m nervous, too. For four and a half months, I had to wrap my mind around going back, not going back, starting a new position in private practice, being a part-time stay-at-home mom, moving on from that chapter in life, and now, going back to the position I held for four years. And I feel like it’s my first day at a brand new job!
This morning, I decided to take my nerves to church. My thoughts were consumed with fears, worries, and feelings of self-doubt. “What if they liked the part-time counselor better?” “What if no one is excited to see me?” “What if I can’t connect with the new students and the new staff members?” “What if I can’t reconnect with the old ones?” “What if I fail miserably?” “What if I can’t balance the job with my new-found desire to be a fully present mom and wife?” “What if…”
But then, a familiar hymn started playing. “Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine. Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!” Usually, belting out harmonies with the worship band sets my mind on Higher things but this time, I just sat and listened. “Heir of salvation. Purchase of God. Born of His spirit. Washed in His blood!” The words were like the purest water to my thirsty heart! I AM the heir of salvation! I HAVE been purchased by God! This world is just a foretaste of the glory that awaits!!
And then, as if hearing it all for the first time, the soloist sang, “This is my story! This is my song! Praising my Savior all the day long!” This IS my story! This last four and a half months are part of the story God has written for my life. I don’t understand it all and to be honest, I didn’t like it all, but looking back, there’s no way I’d rip out this page!
I have gained so much in this short time! I have gained new knowledge as a counselor and feel better equipped to help my students. I have gained an awareness of just how special many of my friendships are. I have gained a new focus and have realized just how awesome it feels to shut down the computer and turn off the TV so that I can be available to my family. I have learned to relax more and to enjoy the time God has given me with my daughters. I have gained a rekindled passion to be my husband’s best friend and the wife he truly deserves. I have gained a new-found excitement to give control of my life over to the Lord.
And because of this time in my life, I have been reminded that my story is being hand-written by God Himself! He alone puts the words on the page of each day. He alone dots the “i’s” and crosses each “t”. He alone breathes the music into my song!
God is writing a story through our lives. We don’t know how it will end…we don’t even know what will be written on the next page. But in the hands of the Author of Life, we know it’s worth reading!!